Party Town Throwdown After Back-to-Back Weekends: Atlantic City vs. Las Vegas

September 7, 2012 11:17 am 0 comments

How do these havens for shenanigans and debauchery stack up against one another? Only way to find out is by going to both … on back-to-back weekends.

Justin Elliott

Let me preface this article: We all know Las Vegas is better than Atlantic City. Not many people would debate that.

Just like most people would agree that Tiger Woods is better than Webb Simpson. But look who ended up holding the 2012 US Open trophy. (Side note: Birdman!)

Even if Vegas is the best around, that doesn’t mean East Coasters shouldn’t head to south Jersey to enjoy some of the finer things in life (splitting aces, rolling 7 on the come-out, and drinking Long Islands til 4 am, etc.).

It also doesn’t preclude AC from taking down Vegas on any given weekend.

So I tried to find out if AC could really challenge Vegas: by going to Vegas for a bachelor party one weekend and going to AC for a birthday party the next weekend.

Ed’s note: as Justin is writing this he is currently undergoing a liver transplant and one of those Men in Black flashy things.

 

To evaluate these adult playgrounds I used the following criteria:

1. Drinking
2. Gambling
3. Walking around
4. Weather
5. “Scenery”
6. Wild Card/Shenanigans

I ranked each city 1-10 in each of the categories. In the spirit of gambling, I’m setting the line: Vegas -11.5.

Place your bets.

1. Drinking

Both cities let you drink for free while you gamble, which is a necessity. After all, I’m not trying to lose a whole bunch of money and stay sober. But in Vegas, you can drink in public, which is truly one of the most baller things you can do with your boys/girls (Dave Chappelle explains the other most baller thing you can do in this video).

AC, on the other hand, won’t let you leave the building with a drink in hand, which is a serious shot to the nuts when trying to have a good time.

As for boozing on the side (AKA liquor stores) Vegas requires a quarter-mile walk unless you stumble upon the Walgreens at The Venetian (right, Matt?), but AC has spots everywhere. It sure makes you feel better when you can get a three-pack of tallboys for $6 next door.

Hey, I think Mom would be proud that I’m bargain shopping.

Vegas: 9
AC: 7

2. Gambling

The loss of O’Sheas this year certainly hurt the gambling stock of Sin City in the eyes of a cheap kid in his mid-20’s.

Ed’s note: O’Shea’s is also where Nick Papagiorgio won his first car, which in hindsight appears to be a 1982 Geo Metro.

That said, Vegas hits you with slots and video poker as soon as you get off the plane or stop for gas on the edge of the city. You can play everything, from $5 blackjack to $500 craps (although I’ve never had the cojones to dabble in the latter).

This is one area where AC thinks it’s a hell of a lot cooler than it is. In Atlantic City, it’s easier to find a escort at any street corner than to find a $5 table. I know there are probably some NY whales that show up every weekend, but based on how uncrowded the casinos are, I can’t believe that a few low-min tables wouldn’t help out the average Joe-gambler.

AC gets a bonus point though because of my girlfriend’s 20-minute hot streak at the craps table (which significantly cut into my losings from Vegas).

Vegas: 8
AC: 5+1 = 6

3. Walking around

This is one where I thought AC was going to get destroyed but it actually held its own against Vegas.

The casinos are closer in AC (the main row, not the Borgata or that cluster way down south) and, better yet, they’re situated on a boardwalk. The clientele is trashier, no doubt, but just as funny and weird as Vegas’s.

But streetside entertainment sets Vegas apart. From the Treasure Island pirate ship to the Bellagio fountains, there is endless entertainment visible from Las Vegas Blvd. Sure, the shows are better where you pay for a good time, (get your mind out of the gutter!) but it’s dope to stumble up to the fountain drunk and see this…

Vegas: 8
AC: 5

4. Weather

The underdog rises! Of my last two trips to Vegas, one required a full suit and gloves (… plus a gallon of alcohol) to bear the cold. Meanwhile, the other never got colder than 95F (35C for you Canadians, eh!). Growing up in California and living in San Diego for five years made me wimpier than Captain America before all the ‘roids, but I still know melting and freezing are not temperatures humans should be messing with on a regular basis (or mixing with copious amounts of alcohol).

The AC boardwalk was windy, but it was hard to argue with high-70s and low-80s most of the weekend. Any hotter and there would be generally less clothing, which isn’t necessarily a good thing in AC (which segues nicely into my next category).

Vegas: 5
AC: 7

5. Scenery

Watching paint dry, water boil, or the seasons change are all better than waiting for women to get ready while in Vegas (unless you can break loose to gamble/drink).

Like Tom Petty said though, the waiting is the hardest part, and once ladies are ready, they are on their A+ game in Vegas.

Rather than elaborate on this topic I’ll just say: Gentlemen, bring reflective sunglasses when you go to LV. Doesn’t matter if the sun comes out.

Meanwhile, you know that show on MTV about the New Jersey coastline? Well, I’ve never seen it (and yes, I think I’m better than you for that), but the guys and gals in AC do bear a resemblance to those people. Lots of tan d-bags and weird chicks. That is the “Situation” in AC, bringing the average down to a 6.

Vegas: 9
AC: 6

6. Wildcard/Shenanigans

This category is heavily influenced by the ability to drink around town but also by the clientele. Take, for example, 10-Year-Old Jersey Kid in a hotel elevator who threatened to choke-slam my buddy (who is approximately this buff).

AC was full of intensity like this and the Harlem Globetrotters, who pulled in behind us at the AC Sheraton (damn phone video wasn’t working!).

Funny weird shit was happening, and all of it had that sprinkling of dirty Jersey.

If everything that happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas then it would be a lame for shenanigans and the ensuing stories. Fortunately stories of being chased by a club promoter through the slots at Paris, taking a picture with a bachelorette wearing a necklace with penises on it, and all the other weird stuff sometimes does make it out so there so the wildcards are alive.

(please comment with any crazy Vegas/AC stories)

Vegas: 8
AC: 7

Time to tally up the scores.

Vegas: 47
AC: 38

Atlantic City covers the spread!!! Ironic, because sports betting is illegal in New Jersey (maybe that should’ve been a category.)

So for all you haters out there, I recommend you give AC a try. Just make sure you spot it a few points.

Justin Elliott is the co-founder of Hire Me Grantland. See who he picked in fantasy football here. Or his guide to wading through shitty Olympic sports here. Or bring it on home.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Other News

  • Unnecessary Sports Podcast

    Unnecessary Sports Podcast Returns!

    Matt and Neal talk NBA free agency in the return of the pod! Listen to their recap of the Eastern conference here. Then check out their recap of the Western conference, plus a few random predictions here.

    Read more →
  • Featured Stories NFL Podcasts Sports HMGL Super Bowl Recap: Podcast/Hangout

    HMGL Super Bowl Recap: Podcast/Hangout

    Justin, Neal and Matt put the Super Bowl in context: How good are the Ravens compared to other SB winners? Is Joe Flacco a top-5 quarterback? What is the next step with PED testing in the NFL?

    Once again, sports fans were treated to a memorable Super Bowl. The Ravens were thinking blowout until the blackout — did that affect their momentum? — and then the 49ers came all the way back to ultimately fall just short.

    Meanwhile, reverberations of Ray Lewis’ alleged use of PED’s forced sports fans to consider their values — does PED use really matter to us?

    And Joe Flacco emerged from a historic playoff run as an unquestioned franchise quarterback (what?).

    Hear our thoughts below, and enjoy Matt’s three solid minutes of embarrassing technical confusion at the beginning.

    Read more →
  • Featured Stories NFL Sports NFL Playoff Team fantasy draft: Justin, Matt and Neal’s standings

    NFL Playoff Team fantasy draft: Justin, Matt and Neal’s standings

    Note: This piece refers to the playoff draft on the last HMGL podcast. If you didn’t listen to it, check it out here.

    Wild Card Weekend Standings:

    (+1 point for advancing to the divisional round)

    Justin (3) — DEN +1, GB +1, BAL+1, IND 0
    Possible this week: 4 points (DEN/BAL, GB)
    Worst-case: 2 points (DEN/BAL) win, GB loses

    Matt (3) — NE +1, ATL+1, Hou+1, Cincy 0
    Possible this week: 4 points (NE/HOU, ATL)
    Worst-case: 2 points (NE/HOU) win, ATL loses

    Neal (2) — SF +1, SEA +1, WAS 0, MIN 0
    Possible this week: 4 points (SF, SEA both win)
    Worst-case: 0 points (SF, SEA both lose)

    Read more →
  • Featured Stories NFL Power Rankings Sports Ranking The NFL’s Hottest And Most Dangerous Teams: Playoffs 2012

    Ranking The NFL’s Hottest And Most Dangerous Teams: Playoffs 2012

    By Matt Ford

    Better to be lucky than good.

    Or, more like it, better dangerous than solid.

    So who is the most dangerous team entering the 2012 NFL Playoffs?

    Category One: The Psy “Gangnam Style” Award for “Congrats for Making It To The Big Time! But Now That You’re Here, You’re Going Away Quickly.”

    Category Two: The Kwame Brown Award for “Just Look At Them! They Have To Be Better Than They’re Playing”

    Category Three: The Looking At The Google Analytics Of HireMeGrantland.com Award for “Why Is No One Impressed By Us?”

    Category Four: The Mumford and Sons Award for “Everyone Thinks We’re Underrated, But We’re Actually Overrated”

    Category Five: The 2007 LeBron James Award for “We’re playing … him? Uh Oh.”

    Read more →
  • Featured Stories NFL Sports Hire Me Grantland Podcasts Are Up

    Hire Me Grantland Podcasts Are Up

    Without further ado: Matt and Justin’s discussion of the NFL playoff picture leading into the end of the regular season, with special guest Neal Suidan.

    All you have to do is click here and click “Listen” or “Download” once you get to our hosting site.

    Our first post is about the NFC Playoff picture leading into last week’s games. Listen to how wrong we were about San Francisco after last night’s result, Neal’s analysis of his hometown Bears (and Bulls), Matt’s pipe-dream of a Redskins playoff run and more.

    Our next pod is about the AFC, but includes a bonus round of which coaches should get fired (and Matt’s prediction of Chip Kelly to Carolina that he has been patting himself on the back for ever since), and Neal trying to Beautiful Mind his way through the muddy AFC North playoff picture. Justin’s breakdown of the Raiders, fortunately for you all, was omitted due to “microphone problems.”

    Shortly, these episodes will be available on the iTunes store (Apple has to screen them first before they unleash our idiocy on the unwashed masses).

    Read more →
  • Featured Stories NFL Sports Sports Betting Justin Elliott Would Not Win The Las Vegas Supercontest: Week 15 (Video)

    Justin Elliott Would Not Win The Las Vegas Supercontest: Week 15 (Video)

    (Nothing like a winless week to really make you want to show your face on camera.)

    Read more →
  • Featured Stories NFL Sports Sports Betting Justin Elliott Would Not Win The Las Vegas Supercontest: Week 14 (Video)

    Justin Elliott Would Not Win The Las Vegas Supercontest: Week 14 (Video)

    Justin Elliott’s Week 14 picks… on our NEW YouTube channel!!!

    Read more →
  • Featured Stories NFL Sports Is RGIII the Most Valuable Player… In Sports?

    Is RGIII the Most Valuable Player… In Sports?

    By Matt Ford

    Watching RGIII as a rookie is like the first time you heard OK Computer, or saw Louis CK’s standup a few years ago, or watched Barack Obama in the 2004 Democratic Convention. “Holy shit!” you think. “Do people know about this yet?”

    You form a special kind of relationship with an entertainer, athlete or politician after an experience like that — you realize: “Hey, this guy could be the real deal, and I think I just saw history.” Often, I find I become invested in people like that, rooting for history just to say in a few years, “I was there…”

    RGIII to the rescue. He is, by many accounts, the most exciting player in the league. He draws friendly fans to FedEx Field. His value to a shrinking fan base is unspeakable. It’s hard to root against him, even if your team is playing against him.

    Robert Griffin III has revitalized one of the most valuable franchises in the world. The value of hope is what Griffin brings to the table, in addition to all those other tangible assets.

    Read more →