As a colleague of Matt’s and Justin’s would say, the first three weeks of the season “went over like a fart in a spacesuit.”
Weeks One-Three were not kind, but things have turned around as of late. Here were your NFL rock star’s picks from Weeks Four and Five;
TEN +13 (@HOU) → L
CAR +7.5 (@ATL) → W
NE -4.5 (@BUF) → W
SF -4.5 (@NYJ) → W
CIN -3 (@JAX) → W
NYJ +9 (vs HOU) → W
CHI -5.5 (@JAX) → W
CAR -3 (vs SEA) → L
NYG -9 (vs CLE) → W
ATL -3 (@ WAS) → W
SCOOORE-BOARD! That’s eight wins in two weeks, which is exciting because I’m winning money, but depressing because I think that was my win total through four weeks last year.
The overall record for the season is back on the right side of .500 at 13-11-1 (just enough to cover the juice on my bets). Alas, I’m not Biff Tannen, and today is not my lucky day…
…so here are my Week Six picks without the assistance of a future sports almanac.
Baltimore -4 vs Dallas
The Cowboys look like chickens with their heads cut off. They’re only averaging 68 yards per game on the ground and Romo has thrown 8 INTs to only 5 TDs. The Ravens squeaked by KC on the road last week, but I don’t see the Cowboys offense having any epiphanies in Baltimore.
New England -4 @ Seattle
I’m always scared to pick against Seattle at home, but I’m even more scared to pick against Tom Brady with only a four-point spread. With a healthier Gronkosaurus, I’m thinking they blow up. But Russell Wilson…that was a joke.
Arizona -5 vs Buffalo
The Bills look like a team that stops giving a damn after two and a half quarters. The Cardinals pass defense should shut down the Bills aerial attack, and even Kevin Kolb should be able to pick apart a porous Buffalo defense. I have no faith in a team that (even with last week’s loss) is 11-3 in their last 14 games.
Indianapolis +3 @ New York Jets
I hate betting momentum. That said, the Colts are riding a strong performance from Andrew Luck and the Jets are about three more bad Sanchez quarters from sending in the Tebow. I have no faith (no pun intended) in the Jets offense and their Revis-less defense is something that Luck should exploit.
San Diego -1.5 vs Denver
Both teams are coming off tight losses on the road. The Broncos running game looked like garbage against the Pats. Without a ground game, Peyton is left struggling to find mediocre receivers against a good Chargers pass rush.
I’ve got the hot hand right now. And with Biff Tannen as my witness, I will win at least 3 games this week.
If I don’t, I’ll make like a tree, and get the heck out of here…butthead.
Justin Elliott is a co-founder of Hire Me Grantland.
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